Sunday, January 13, 2013

2013 and the Number 13

I've been thinking about my blog and what to do with it for quite a while. I've now decided to continue to blog. It's more for myself regardless if anyone reads it or not. I also decided to put a sort of theme to it and that is my thoughts on everyday occurrences, mostly. So... Here is the first post of 2013!
I really love the number 13 and, well, lucky me I was born on the 13th. If people can get past this false superstition (most people have NO CLUE where it originated), then they can see the importance this number has had in religion and also in our country. I am going into this year with hope knowing that things can only get better. I have hopes of chasing my dreams, reaching my goals, and not letting anyone stand in the way of that.
Most people who read this know that I was engaged to be married and he called it off two months into the engagement. Looking back and seeing where I am now, I realize that before this experience I was way too willing to give up on what I, Natalie, wanted and what my dreams were. I had this idea that as long as we loved each other, we could chase his dreams and I'd be happy. In reality, I could have been happy because I usually am no matter what. I just didn't realize the regret that I would have had for the rest of my life. Regret is one of those things that I've tried to avoid ever since the regret of not pursuing a college softball career like I should have. As I begin again to chase my dreams, new and old, no man will ever have the power to tell me I can't. I've always been a strong, independent woman and this hurt has done nothing but made me stronger. The thing I think that this man finally figured out was that I wasn't going to change and become the woman he thought I should be. I wasn't sitting at home waiting for him and cooking him dinner all the time. I was doing things that I wanted to that were going to help me reach my goals. It wasn't until the sorrow and hurt had began to subside that I realized he had been trying to change me. As I chase my dreams, no man will ever have the power to change who I am.
3 months ago I moved to a new city. I have very few friends, know very few people, and am scared everyday. The thing this city has is opportunity. Opportunity to reach my goals and chase my dreams. I just hope that when opportunity knocks, I answer. My 2013 goals are:
1. To get a job I love. Yeah this is vague, and it is sort of on purpose. I have more specific goals pertaining to this that I have written down elsewhere.
2. Find a way to live in the city of my dreams, Park City.
3. Attend the temple once a week.
4. Conquer my fear of falling. This is a fear that keeps me from doing a lot of fun things in life. Sometimes it becomes quite irrational, so in the words of Bob Newhart, "STOP IT."
I recently went out on a couple dates, assuming that is what they were.. He did pay so I'm calling them dates. It is hard to explain the emotions and internal battle that I experienced. Let's just say that after date #3, I cried my whole drive home. I was struggling with not knowing what he was wanting from me, thinking that I was just going to get hurt no matter what, knowing that I wasn't ready to trust again especially a man, knowing that he was the first guy I had gone out with since my engagement and was not anywhere close to being ready for a relationship, and that I didn't know him well enough to spill all these beans. I then discovered my 5th goal, to learn how to trust a man even just a little. And don't worry, this particular man has backed off by his choice and to my relief.
So, happy birthday to me and may 2013 bring much joy and opportunity!

Here is a link if you want to learn about the number 13 and the United States of America.  But perhaps only I find it fascinating when we relate numbers to history. There is the nerd in me :)

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